I am listening to ‘On the Nature of Daylight’ by Max Ritcher. And all it does is bring back the memory of you or rather the thought of you. For you are not yet a memory. I remember the day that I first saw you or was it the fifth day? It was all about the way you were. That enchanted my mind and ignited in my heart a liking so profound to be true. It was our first encounter or was it not?
I remember the days that you occupied my mind more than my own thoughts of myself. Foolish, right? Not really. I didn’t bring you into it but it was all the action of my mind- conscious, unconscious and subconscious. I relished in the idea of you and imagined a version of you so good and perfect. For they said love is blind. But it was not yet love. Maybe this will grow to it. I did imagine in such moments where you were and what you would be doing. Maybe having someone else in mind or heart. For rarely is it mutual.
I often fought away the thoughts of you, in a bid to overcome just like the others. For by many reasons some become crushes for a shorter or longer while. By the virtue of either their physical composition or elegance in apparel or profound intellect or amazing character or manner of speech or some sort of compatibility in mind and heart. A combination of many reasons mentioned and unmentioned. Some took a short while to let go while others stuck around like a piece of candy.
“I had a crush on you when I first saw you.
But getting to know you, I realized it just can’t happen.
And it faded. Now I just enjoy talking to you.”
And for you, this is your time, to occupy the space of my mind even though you may never know. They say if you have a crush on someone, don’t let them know otherwise it will die. The end I seek, but the means I approve not. Or let them know and have them feeling the way they will choose. Maybe someday you will know. But not just yet.
P.S: Not necessarily individual. Is it relatable to you?